Waking up every day: pushing restart.

Our brothers and sisters fight all the time. They scream and yell and sometimes throw things. Why do they fight? Why do nightmares keep them up at night? They hate what they know, and they know what they are. They hate each other because they understand each other's motives. They hate each other because they are each other. We are family.

1:50 AM and there's an eerie calm. Recline back into the comfort of the sofa and smile wide because you're wise. You're wiser than these people; you know yourself- you know how you see things and how you'd feel about things that haven't happened but could. You share this with powerfully brief eye contact. There's an understanding. It was once familiar but the power was turned off. You're too good at realizing your dreams. For once, I'd wish you had no intent. You're trying to get to the bottom of the bottomless.

Since I had a pretty lame Thanksgiving...

I am thankful for the clothes on the back.
I am thankful for this roof.
I am thankful for the normal force.
I am thankful for cousins who care, but not enough to entertain you.
I am thankful for wine cellars.
I am thankful for NyQuil.
I am thankful for my best friends, who call my sister to say "happy thanksgiving" but don't call me.
I am thankful for you interpreting the last expression of gratitude as sarcasm.
I am thankful for you realizing it isn't.
I am thankful for my folks.
I am thankful for my health.
I am thankful.
I am full thank.
I am thankful for my (almost) full tank.
I am thankful for time as a way to heal.
I am thankful for backwards bitches assuming my uncle and I are fags.
I am thankful for YOU (know who you are).

Girls just want to have fun.

Hellboy 2 explodes on the screen and immerses the viewer in an epic world, similar to the way Empire Strikes Back dazzled audiences decades ago. Guillermo Del Toro's film boasts a lead actor, Ron Perlman, that commands his time on screen. Each punch-line or poignant dialogue comes to life under his energetic performance. Perlman plays Hellboy, a visceral anti-hero with a sensitive side who works for the Beareau of Paranormal Reserach. Hellboy, along with the stunning ensemble who make up his team, follow a few critters that lead them to a tremendous journey to prevent a war between monsters and humans. On this journey, we are allowed to roam in the beautiful world that Del Toro has created. Try not to drool as you meet the fantastic creatures and sit in awe of the intricate costume design. The film, though it has a bright, lively mood, also manages to evoke some sad feelings. Del Toro brings up themes of alienation and identity as the sad, red monster battles metaphorical and literal demons. While other action films are filled with tiresome sequences, the amount of action in Hellboy is almost perfect. The entire film, actually, is almost perfect. This is the picture that stands out in the recent crowd of comic book adaptations. 

A MINUS

I am a poet.
If you want me to show it:


I just came across this newspaper. Have you read today’s news?

I haven’t read today’s news. I don’t read the news, in fact.

You don’t read the news? Well why the hell not?

It’s never new.




That dog is enormous! It’s a horse!

What are you talking about?

That dog! It’s a horse!

This guy is weird as balls, I’m out of here.

Fuck’s his problem.


Your wife isn’t coming home today, sir.

Well, who is to cook me dinner then?

Why don’t you prepare something yourself?

What a thought!

I don’t think I could.

Not even a grocery store minute meal?

I don’t think that I am a girl.



The teacher doesn’t want us raising our hands anymore.

What? Well why not?

Safety hazard.




Eighteen rabbits walked into a bar.

Their ears redder than ever.

Eighteen rabbits walked out of a bar.

Their eyes redder than ever.

Eighteen rabbits die of a bad liver.

Four bears eat eighteen rabbits in a nightclub shooting- tonight at ten.


I want to be a hero when I grow up.

A hero with money.


What makes a man, pa?

Don’t know, son.

Well then what the fuck?


In another country…

ZZZ.


If boys were girls
And girls were boys
Who would get pregnant


I’m digging through a fucking dumpster.
And I put my mind to it.



What is this place
It’s like a race
Run at your pace
Enjoy
Second place

I’m not like this all the time, I swear.

We’re all adults here.

Right, okay.

Oh I thought you meant-

Senor Fuck Dick!


Take a minute or two to relax.

And kill a bear.

No, but seriously just chill.

And masturbate ten times in a row.


Dude, do you know where the CD’s are? And where the boogie boards?

You’re in the wrong place, kid. This is fucking Maine.

Righteous, so where are the waves like totally?

Dude. There’s one WAL-MART.


Man found tree.

And the tree found me.

Jesus, Jesus

From a tree

Jesus Juice

All over me.



I asked you to do my homework.

And? I did.

No man, you didn’t. You didn’t do what I asked.

What are you talking about? I checked all my answers.

No man. I asked you to do my homework.

Oh. Oh. Fuck. Gross.


Human nature
That is me
I’m a word
I’m a term
Of philosophy
I’m a word
Made up
By man
Not me
Human Nature








When I was a baby.
I was freakishly small.
My head was big, but my body
Was not tall.
Thank god I don’t look like that. Anymore.
No way I could get laid.
Mall.


Have I told you lately
That I love you
More than my mom

White people
Do the
Darndest’ Things

BOY YOU GON’ DIE A VIRGIN.
HOLY SHIT.
Thank god you’re a woman.
What, why?
We’re the only ones left! The last humans.
So?
Well, don’t we have to like repopulate? Isn’t that our…civil duty?
Ew. I’m gonna fucking puke.
BOY YOU GONNA DIE AS A VIRGIN

I tried to live in the moment
I ended up
Looking like a retard
My mouth looked retarded
Bad advice for a party

Drink a coffee
Smoke a smoke
Go to hell
Dress in cool red shit

The waitress asked me if I wanted a chalupa.
Dreams of Mexican dirt
And a chocolate waterfall
Transformers
Back to reality
I’ll have a chalupa

I’ll be your best friend.
If you support my PCP addiction.
And let me borrow your pipe.
I forgot my lighter.
I’ll be your best friend.
For a lighter.

Dude. Inject yourself with this heroin.
If I want to feel dead, bored, and sleepy
I’ll read a book.

Put those glasses back on.

Huh?

Put those hearing aids back in.

Oh ok. Where are you?

There’s a disconnect, I feel.

Laugh. Smile. Don’t.
The first two
Boost me up
The third
Won’t.


They say I am a human.
But I feel like a TAPE
Be kind- rewind.



The more I shit.
The more I like the smell.


He who hath not walked a mile in thee’s shoes.
Is probably not tired from walking a mile


The sky is filled with airplanes.
What if god gets lung cancer?
Frankenstein.


Two perceptions
Two hearts
One experience
One pillow
Two heads
Small blanket
Your children
Made your
Wife the ugly bitch
She is


Excuse me, for I am not an eloquent linguini.

Hitler: victim
Holocaust: victims
All are guilty


It takes so long to realize.
It’s too late
and it’s not a surprise.
Who are the slaves
Today
Who do we blame
Tomorrow

Mistake.
We all make mistakes
We are all mistakes
Live with it
No
Live it

In your head
In your head
They say you
Got a brain
In your head
They say
Lots

Art, so fine.
Art, be mine.
Art, like wine.
Art, like wine.

Should I not flush the shit in the toilet
In the bathroom in
The museum of abstract art

Don’t do this, don’t do that
This is bad
But dad
Have you had
Have you had
The stuff that is bad

A hint of salt. And viola!
A hint of pepper. And cello!


Taste this! You’ll love this!

Marvelous! What is the recipe for this marvelous treat?!

It’s just jizz.


The smart are smart so they don’t look dumb.
And they dumb don’t care, still look dumb.
Enlighten me, bearded one.
Stop making that stupid sound and looking like a faggot.


You’re so mature. You have all the electronics.

Thank you, madam. I am pleased that you said that.

Have you purchased the new laser gun?

I am just a little girl. I do not have violent tendencies.

Buy it now.

Or the bunny gets it.








Are you an asshole?
Or do you just spew shit for fun?

Are you a douche bag?
Or do you just clean pussy for fun?


Guy walked up to me the other day, said “don’t call me, buster”.

And?

Well, that’s it actually. I just wanted to talk to cover up the sound of my fart.


If everyone in the world yawned simultaneously
Would we be stuck like that?

The balls of another
Are companions
Testaments
To our mothers
Testicles
To our doctors

Why do you hate fat people?
Why do you hate short people?
Honestly.


Sex? Every day.

Man loves woman.
Woman was a man.
Man loves woman.
But
Man now single.


my name is rafay.
i like to laugh
and sometimes
to play
nudists in chess
cause i can stare
at them breasts
and psyche them out
i win every time

another year, another beer, another tear.

the world is over.

There's only three things in life: money, bitches, and cars.

Why is it that we all want people to be sad when we die? We imagine the devastated faces of the ones we know, and we hope that a piece of them will die at the funeral too.

Would singing and dancing kill your funeral?

i just want people to laugh with me!

Ever since the birth of man, humans have been searching for confirmation of their existence. It is completely natural, for how can one live without believing that one is alive? Most channel this usually subconscious concern in the form of doing something they enjoy, or something that can gratify them. This gratification will usually translate to feelings of acceptance and self-worth. This acceptance will lead to the very confirmation of our existence, and our place in the universe. How we humans are led to this confirmation can vary greatly depending on the individual, although some statements could apply to the human race as a whole. For example, every human has a perpetual dependance on the acceptance of one’s peers. If somebody who we believe to be alive can relate to and approve of our beings, then we in turn can feel alive. People search for approval, acceptance, and confirmation in all different ways.

I, like most others, find myself constantly questioning my place in the world. At a certain point, I actually came to the conclusion that I was the only one alive; that everybody I saw was merely a product of my own thought. Though I never really disproved my theory, I outgrew it. That theory would ultimately render my peers insignificant, and the fact that I now look to my peers to feel “alive” just reeks of irony. Perhaps it’s over-compensation. I now feel most alive when I make a profound connection with another human being. By profound, I mean that the other person can really feel, understand, and relate to myself. I want others to remember the things that I say or do long after we are together. Knowing that somebody cares and takes into account something that I have said is very gratifying. A sincere connection is usually found when I tell a joke. In a world where everybody is struggling, a laugh can be very rewarding to everyone that is around to hear it. It is a welcome break in an otherwise miserable world. The ability to make someone completely forget about everything that may be plaguing their mind is a virtue. Humor will lead to a comfortable and intimate atmosphere amongst one’s peers. I will usually try to implement humor in all situations; sad or happy; not just because I like to see people smile, or to catch the reflection of childhood innocence in their eyes, but most importantly for confirmation of my existence.

Humor is a way for me to express myself, and it’s something that I can employ in virtually anything I do or anywhere I go. Although I use it to entertain myself, I do however prefer that somebody is listening. I like to perform funny songs that will peak people’s interest and make them ask questions about themselves. My favorite genre of films to make are dark comedies. I believe this is because comedies with a bleak edge are the most accurate reflection of life. The duality of that which is funny, and that which is depressing is ever-present. I like to blur the line between the two, with jokes that are likely to offend. I don’t offend just to anger people, instead to make them question the reason why they might be offended. I will always try to make people laugh at something they wouldn’t normally laugh at by altering the delivery of the joke. The anatomy of a joke is fascinating to me.

Perhaps the reason why I feel most alive when humor is present is because it feels very natural. The idea of the first man to ever laugh is quite funny in itself. But just like telling a joke feels natural, finding the approval of others is natural too. Making someone laugh gives way to a special connection; a good joke can spark a friendship. When one finds your joke funny, it becomes a confirmation of existence; a good joke can also be the foundation of feeling alive.